Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
