What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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