Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
