If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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