It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
