i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
