i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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