Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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