I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I cockslap morals
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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