Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
