He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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