i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Randomize
