Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
