Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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