Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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