My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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