Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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