Umm I'm too high to move.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet