I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
