and you said cock pushups were impossible
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
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after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
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he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk