I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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