Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(705): View more from Ontario

and you said cock pushups were impossible

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(614): View more from Ohio

you really are a gigantic fucking slut.

(614): View more from Ohio

sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text

(1-614): View more from Ohio

it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant

(617): View more from Massachusetts

then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.

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21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(847): View more from Illinois

after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."

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(847): View more from Illinois

You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head

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(480): View more from Arizona

He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out

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(703): View more from Virginia

Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this

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(678): View more from Georgia

Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk

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