btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
