If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
