lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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