FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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