You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
