today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
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My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
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Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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