the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
