Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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