Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
