He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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