I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
