i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
