How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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