fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
