he thought i was a dude.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
