how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
