They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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