I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
