So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
