when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
