im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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