im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
That accounts for only three of the penises
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize