Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
