Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
