i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
