Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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