My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
