I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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