i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
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