Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
