Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
