"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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