i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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