saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
