wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
True strength comes from lack of pants
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