I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We are all done wearing pants today
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