theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize