Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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