there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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