You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
