He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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