Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
