Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
