the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
