very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
