Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
