He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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