I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
