I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
