So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
