I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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