he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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