look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
